I Should Be Going To Sleep...

It's 1am, and I should go to bed so I'm not super tired for my Environmental practical tomorrow at 9, but, as Jack would say, "I just can't be bothered."

I'm rather awake. Tonight I hung out with Erica and Anna Gale and Will, and we sat around watching videos and looking hilarious things up in Will's book of slang terms. I miss people from home. I miss cuddling with my friends! There's no one here I feel close enough to cuddle with, and I miss touch. It's cool, though. I have a lot of cool people to hang out with!

Basically, life in Scotland is awesome. There are some times, though, when everything stops around you, and you close your eyes and remember that we each go through life alone at the end of the day. I don't mean devoid of whatever spiritual guidance that you happen to believe in, but in the sense of being apart from the rest of humanity while inside your own head. It's a strange and lonely place to be. But it can also be a pretty nice place to retreat to when you need to remember what's inside.

Anyway, I'm driveling. I'm a bit tired, but not tired enough to sleep. Just tired enough to ramble about consciousness.

And that I would love to work with animals someday. The more I'm around animals and see the way they live and interact, the more I want to be a part of it. I could be a vet, or I could foster baby animals, or I could work at a zoo, or a training clinic. There are a lot of options. The only thing that I don't like about the idea of spending the rest of my working life as a vet, or something like that, is that I wouldn't feel as if I was doing my part to affect the world in a positive way.

Right now I want to work for the adoption of sustainable agriculture in societies around the world. If you ask me what my major is, I'd say Anthropology with a focus in Agriculture, which is the closest I can get to explaining what I mean in the academic sense. I don't want to graduate from college and go farm; I want to change the world through a new way of relating to our food and the ground we get it from. I'm talking Discovery Channel and the Peace Corps.

But sometimes I think it'd be fun to give up on my grand ideas and just settle down as a veterinary assistant somewhere in Yorkshire, or maybe Scotland. :-)

I wonder where I'll be in ten years.

I wish I wasn't always looking so far ahead. I'm the kind of person who always wants to see what's over the next hill, and it tends to get me in trouble. I get so caught up in moving from one thing to the next, racing toward tomorrow, that I have a hard time settling down. I wonder if that's going to keep being a problem in the future. I hope not. I suppose I'd better try to do something about it. Dreams always feel like they're just out of reach.

Alright. End to the stream of thought.

Quote of the day:
"My heart was a pendulum between her and the road. I don't know with what strength I freed myself from her eyes."
-Che Guevara